Saturday, April 05, 2008

confession...

Confession coming tomorrow or the next day.

You know what? I can't keep a secret to save my life. Isn't that horrible? But it's true. I can keep a secret if I don't think it's a secret, but if I know it's a secret, like an act of deception, then the guilt simply overtakes my conscience and *boom* secret's out.

I am what I am. At first that statement seems full of arrogance when heard coming from the conscience of another person. But it is actually quite...humbling.

I am what I am. It means that I don't have to pretend, that I don't have to impress anybody.

I am what I am. It means that I am what I am and everyone else is what s/he is but in the end we're just the same and I have to respect those differences.

It means I did my best on my run today.

I did. It was my best. I have to be honest with myself: I gave everything I could.

If I'm not happy with the fact then I need to change it. Period.

But that's not the confession, that's just what it's about: My struggle with the threat of defeat. (Luckily, I'm in good company, my fellow running mommies...)

So maybe tomorrow, but more likely on Monday, I will ramble and drone on about my stupid, below my expectations of myself run today...Monday, when a roast isn't in the oven, the socks don't need matching and whatever else isn't demanding to be done in that precious slot of time before the posse bustles through the door fresh from a Wal-mart run.

1 comment:

morgan said...

So curious -- will watch for more.