Sunday, May 07, 2006

end of an era

A cliche for a title -- but I am so unexpectedly sad. Last night was my first night away from little Iz (who is just over two years old). He stayed with his grandparents, my in-laws. That was hard enough. (I knew they would take great care of him -- but it was odd and melancholy being away from him so long.) On the plus side, Abraham and I actually got to go running together without a jogging stroller or dog -- all by ourselves at 7 a.m. (because we were wide awake at 6 a.m. even sans toddler).

And, since Iz has now not nursed for two days, I have decided to wean him (seems like the only way -- though he may never nap for me again). And I am crying. No kidding. Tears streaming down my face, a few pathetic sobs. I have just left him in bed with his dad, who will do the getting him to sleep routine (he usually nurses to sleep with me -- yes, at two years old).

I don't really want a three-year-old who nurses (I may just be buying in to Western norms, but it seems a little odd to me -- and the kid needs to learn how to put himself to sleep sometime), but I have loved breastfeeding him. It has been easier than I expected; I never had much pain -- some soreness and odd breast changes early on. But easier than many stories I have heard and read. Since I had no idea how to wean him, this seemed like the only way. But I am so sad.

And tomorrow is my 35th birthday (I am not sad about that at all -- a fine age to be) -- and this is simply not a great present to give myself. But what else can I do?

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, you are not alone. I breastfed my son until he was 26 months old. Everyone thought I was crazy, but the American Pediatric Association recommends to the age of three. Unfortunately, we are one of the only cultures that do not buy into this...just like co-sleeping. (We just got our son in his own bed in his OWN room!) As we are expecting another any day now, I plan to do the same!

My son at 2 1/2 now loves to have a bottle of milk. I weaned him from breast to bottle! What was I thinking?? But, it comforts him and that is what matters most. You are doing a great job as a parent, do not let all of this get you down!!!

morgan said...

Thanks so much for the support. Last night, Iz wouldn't sleep after over an hour of hysterical crying (and my husband was in there with him, which usually helps). When I went in, he started swatting at me -- I decided that cold turkey on the nursing probably wouldn't work. So I am going to try to get him down from two 20-minute nursing sessions to 5-minute ones. I can't stand him (or me) being so sad about it -- I don't want it to be a big, confrontational issue. Maybe we can just slowly phase out the breatsfeeding over the next months.

mom2zayna said...

Weaning is so difficult! It was an emotionally draining time for me as well. I think Z was ready but I was not ready to let go of the closeness, security, and being needed. I weaned very slowly - over a 3-month period. Z was great about taking bottles so it was so easy for her. Like I said, it was extremely traumatic for mommy!!! I weaned her at 16 months because I was trying for #2 and still had not began ovulating due to nursing. Otherwise, I'm quite certain I would have kept going.

Good luck. The timing is different for all of us. But your heart is in the right place for sure.

Dixie Gal said...

hey, i'm the "pop tart" girl, haha. wish i could help with the weaning issue, but i only lasted a week with the breast feeding, didn't work out for me. we just got our son off the bottle at xmas, he turned 3 in march. i think it's hard to wean, period. seth cried for his baba for about 2 months, wouldn't drink any milk (which worried me), but finally it all evened out, he stopped asking, took his milk from a cup, and now it's smooth sailing. just getting ready for the begging, you'll do fine. in the meantime, don't burn yourself with a Pastry, haha.

Anonymous said...

i totally agree with comments about the western society not understanding or being knowledgable about breastfeeding. I enjoyed going to LaLeche for support. I'm going to nurse until baby is 2. family bed was fun for a while and he still sleeps with us in the morning hours but not exclusively. His crib is right next to our bed. I love the bonding and it will help him to be emotionaly equipped as an adult, man, and father one day.

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